Starting the Conversation: How to Talk About Paid Help
Taking care of a loved one is an act of compassion, commitment, and often, sacrifice. For unpaid family caregivers, the responsibility can be deeply fulfilling—but also overwhelming. As the needs of your loved one grow, so too can the emotional and physical toll on you. That’s why starting a conversation about bringing in a paid caregiver is not just practical—it’s essential.
Dr. Shruti Roy, D.O.
Published on July 19, 2025
Taking care of a loved one is an act of compassion, commitment, and often, sacrifice. For unpaid family caregivers, the responsibility can be deeply fulfilling—but also overwhelming. As the needs of your loved one grow, so too can the emotional and physical toll on you. That’s why starting a conversation about bringing in a paid caregiver is not just practical—it’s essential.
Still, this can be one of the hardest conversations to have. Many caregivers fear hurting their loved one’s feelings, making them feel like a burden, or losing the sense of closeness that caregiving can bring. But bringing in outside help doesn’t mean you’re stepping away—it means you’re stepping up to ensure the best care possible, for both of you.
1. Acknowledge the Emotional Weight—For Both of You
Start by recognizing that this is a difficult topic. You might say:
“I want to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind. It’s a tough subject because I care so much about you, and I want to make sure you feel supported and respected.”
Let your loved one know that your goal isn’t to change your relationship, but to strengthen it through additional support.
2. Focus on the Shared Goal: Quality Care
Frame the conversation around the well-being of both of you:
“I want to make sure you’re getting the best care possible, and I also want to be at my best so I can be there for you. I’ve been thinking that having a little extra help could really make a difference—for both of us.”
By presenting it as a shared goal, you shift the dynamic from “me needing help” to “us making a smart choice together.”
3. Highlight the Benefits, Not the Burdens
Help your loved one understand that paid caregivers can do more than just lighten your load—they can enhance daily life:
More consistent personal care
Specialized training for health conditions
Help with household tasks so you can enjoy more quality time together
Relief for you to rest, recharge, or take care of your own needs
Use examples that fit your situation. Maybe it's to help with bathing, preparing meals, or just companionship during the day.
4. Reassure Them It’s Not About Replacing You
One common fear is that bringing in paid help means stepping back emotionally. Reassure your loved one that you’re still present and committed:
“I’ll still be here, just like always. This is about making sure we both have the support we need.”
5. Start Small and Suggest a Trial Run
If there’s resistance, suggest starting small:
“What if we try it for just a few hours a week and see how it goes? If it doesn’t feel right, we can adjust.”
Starting with a short-term arrangement makes the idea feel less permanent or intimidating.
6. Be Ready for Emotions—And Be Patient
Your loved one might feel uncertain, defensive, or even hurt at first. That’s okay. Give them space to process the idea, and revisit the conversation if needed.
“You don’t have to decide right now. I just wanted to start the conversation because I care about you, and I think it could really help us both.”
You don’t have to do it all alone—and you shouldn’t. Talking about bringing in a paid caregiver is an act of care, not a sign of failure. It means you’re thinking long-term, protecting your health, and making sure your loved one gets the support they deserve.
It’s not an easy conversation, but it’s a powerful one. And it can be the first step toward a more balanced, sustainable caregiving journey—for both of you.
About Dr. Shruti Roy, D.O.
Dr. Shruti Roy is a pediatrician and mom of three who spent years coordinating care for children in urgent care and emergency room settings. But when faced with managing the care of her own aging parents Shruti encountered firsthand the overwhelming gaps in caregiver support. Juggling her career, motherhood, and caregiving opened her eyes to how isolating and challenging this role can be, even for a medical professional. Today, Shruti is passionate about empowering families who are caring for loved ones across generations. She shares both medical insights and personal lessons learned from living this balancing act every day.